The State of John Puterhead’s Puter

John Puterhead took a day off from his putering.
He explains, “I had to go grocery shopping.”
I’m not sure that’s the full explanation.
But when he returned to his puter a day later, it wouldn’t start.
He had to coax it to work with loving words.
He had to touch the touch pad and click the mouse.
He had to plug and unplug peripherals.
He sent me a smiley face to say all was well.

He says his puter gets lonely when left in a bag.


John Puterhead Helps Pinky

Pinky was afraid her old puter would die.
Sometimes there was a streak on her screen and sometimes there wasn’t.
It was a mystery.
Puters are scary.

Her decision took a whole year.
But John Puterhead helped.
He took her to the store to ‘just look’ at the beautiful, new puters.
They were slim like air, and had instant-on gratification.
John Puterhead showed her the least expensive thin one.
And she bought it.

Now I want Pinky’s puter.

John Puterhead and Pinky’s Puter

John Puterhead was brought in to look at Pinky’s puter.
It was slow.
He looked.
He saw.
He shook his head.
There’s no way I can fix this on my own, he said.
So John Puterhead was stumped.
I was stumped.
Pinky’s puter is slow because of 1000 email and 1000 sticky notes.
Pinky finds this all a bit terrifying.
I think John Puterhead feels the same way.

John Puterhead Answers a Question About the Militia

He said ‘hi’.
I said ‘hi’.
He introduced himself as John Puterhead.
I asked him if he knew about the Linkyshire Militia since it was on my mind.
He looked at me a little puzzled and then quickly asked me,
You mean ‘The Militia? The video game?
A video game?
Yeah, it was popular a few years ago. It’s old hat now.
Oh, I said. Can you find out if Mayor Armapple plays that game?
Sure, he said. He looked at his phone and pressed it a few times.
He’s a member of the Linky Militia, ranked 10th.
Thanks, I said. (I didn’t care about the ranking).

John Puterhead

John Puterhead moved in last night.
He is like Johnny Appleseed in a way.
He helps people with their computers.
He’s nice.
He helped Mrs. Magellan send an email.
And he helped Arbo who was trying to hack into a website.
I’m not sure if that counts.
He said ‘hi’ to me in the hall.
I hope he’s nice.
I hope he’s not in the militia.