Pinky had a sidewalk but it was no good.
It went by her yard and couldn’t get over her tree roots.
One slab lay on top of another.
The city said, “Pinky, you better fix it…
at your expense.”
Pinky was furious.
The city wanted to cut her tree roots
because of what they did to the sidewalk but
Pinky wouldn’t let them.
She won the battle and because she won she
got to pay $822.45 for a new sidewalk that
swept around the tree. Now she has a designer sidewalk.
Cool. But no one else has a sidewalk on her street.
Her sidewalk goes nowhere.
She says she’s going to have a walking party.
We can all walk from one side of her front yard to the other,
en masse, going nowhere, but using the sidewalk more than
it will get used in the next twenty years.
That’s a success in my book.
Brewster? he said leaning against my door.
I was watching a movie and suddenly I was watching myself watching a movie.
OK. So what were you actually doing?
Watching a movie. But seriously, my life was just as thin as the movie. I could see it.
He continued, I was all in it and I wasn’t in it at all.
He continued, Is that real?
Oh. I thought it was strange.
It is strange. The human mind can’t figure it out so it feels a little strange.
Oh, said John, that makes sense, thanks.
Dear Literary Agent:
In a fast and expanding world, where everyone struggles to take in more information than they need, there is a new blog available which has nothing to do with that problem. Stories From Linkyshire purports to provide “Wry and surprising observations about Linkyshire.”
So welcome to the unpredictable fictional account of life in Linkyshire where characters are endearingly odd and life is much like it is. Meet John (who quit his job for good), Paul & Ruth (partners to a subtle marital battle), Pinky and Brewster (the diarist himself) and finally the truck driving Evantonians. The blog is in its 6th month and growing.
My query to you today is this, what kind of paper should the book have? How many people will read it? How many copies will be sold? How much money can we make on it?
Dear Literary Agent:
Welcome to my blog, Linkyshire.com.
I don’t want to waste your time.
So have a good day without me.
To all you club members:
I did nothing with the Lazyites Club today.
Thought you should know.
I got a postcard from Paul & Ruth.
It was post marked “Anchorage, Alaska.”
Snow covered mountains stretch into the distance.
Mostly, I guess, if you rob a bank, people would figure
you’d go to the Riviera or the Caribbean or something, maybe Sao Paulo.
Maybe they were passing through on their way to Hokkaido.
But it might not be from them at all.
I don’t know their handwriting.
There have been a lot of sirens in Linkyshire.
Every day brings a screaming noise.
The police must be jagged nervous.
I guess I would be too.
They are usually looking for traffic violations.
I guess that’s how Paul & Ruth took advantage of the situation.
When you’re looking for traffic violations you don’t expect a big robbery.
I’m not sure where Paul & Ruth are. They’re not in jail.
But we have a lot of sirens now in their honor.