The Lazyites Club

I started a new club in my building called the Lazyites Club.
The purpose of the club is to have a club to belong to, but
without any other responsibility regarding one’s membership.
I’ve set up a club calendar on Google for no reason at all.
Everyone can receive or not receive meeting notices.
I have absolutely no intention of ever attending a meeting
even though I am founder and president.
That would defeat the purpose of the club.
So if you want to join just say you’re in the club.
That’s all it takes,
because I don’t want to have to add your name
to some list I have to maintain.


A Nice Evening

It is such a nice evening, I say,
as I stare at my pitch black ceiling.
Somewhere someone can see the stars.
Somewhere someone can feel the night breezes.
But not me. I enjoy the fresh air
from the air conditioner,
lying with my back on clean sheets,
the dryer tumbling in the distance.

John’s Mini Cooper

My Mini was in the shop for the day.
I needed a few specialty items.
John gave me a ride to the mall.
He swept the front seat clean with his sleeve.
Hamburger wrappers, empty cups with straws
pointing out of the top, papers, candy wrappers,
cans of all types, fell to the floor and he motioned me in.
The back seat was filled with magazines,
boards, and one plant.
When he started up a cloud of blue smoke came out the back.
Why don’t you get your Mini fixed, he said.
“Good idea,” I said.

The Impatient Patient

Pinky came down with a cold.
First, we went to the ER
in the middle of the night.
Then we talked to another doctor
who did the acupuncture.
Then we went to the chiropractor.
Pinky kept me up late again and again,
Why can’t I get better?
Just be patient Pinky and let yourself get better.
I’m not used to being sick.
You are doing everything you can do, just be patient Pinky.
Why can’t I get better?
Everything will be OK, Pinky. Don’t worry.
I don’t like lying here.
I don’t like being feeble.
OK, Pinky. Just let me hold you for a minute.
Pinky wormed a second blood test out of her doctor.
She was happy about that and felt better.

The New Museum

The wise old birds of the Linkyshire Committee
announced the formation of a new museum.
They call it the Museum of Contemporary Americana.
I went for a visit.
It is a large McMansion with a brick facade.
Low cost items from the most popular discount stores
serve as exhibits.
I walked through the house for a fee of 3 bucks.
It was pretty accurate.
The furniture, plants, dishes, utensils were plastic.
There was a TV on in every room.
There was even a guard there.
I joked with the guard.
He was funny.
He told me he sometimes plays with the ice trays
in the freezer.
The ice cubes are lego shapes.

My Fake Son at the Fake Soccer Camp

In my dream I had a son named Arbo.
He wanted to go to soccer camp
so I arranged it.
We had looked forward to it for months.
When we got there the other kids showed up.
They were only as tall as a small truck tire.
Arbo had fun anyway and made some friends.
His coach liked him a lot.